Two is Better than One

Before I even imagined life as a mother of two, I made a promise to myself and my unborn children that if I was ever blessed to carry and create life, I'd do it twice, minimally.

Because this world is far too cruel and beautiful to do alone.  

And I'm not exaggerating when I say that my siblings have saved my life.

The greatest love I knew as a child was packaged in an overprotective, goatee-wearing, music conissieur brother and a overly sensitive, sleep goddess, book-loving sister. And these days, every time I take a look in the mirror, I think of how these two created so much of who I am today as a friend, lover and most importantly, a mother.

And then I take a look at Noah and Jacob: two little boys separated by three years and two contrasting hairstyles that love each other so hard, it's a little much for the mothering and fathering heart.

My brother is turning 35 in the next couple of days and I've been tripping on this reality for some time.  Partly because every February 11th and June 13th, I feel a rush of nostalgia and partly because I don't know how we got here.   We have been through some shit.  And back. 

And I thank my lucky stars for all of it.  I really mean it.

I imagine the falls my two little baby boys will encounter and all the triumphs they will share together as I think of my own with my brother and sister.  I wonder what kind of music Noah will share with Jakey, what they'll chat about in the wee hours of the night, how they will wake each other in the mornings, how hard they will push each other for a college acceptance letter and how much they will fight and bite anyone to defend each other's honor.  And then I realize, that their experiences will be inserted with different songs, people, dreams and battles.  

But never alone. 

Because every time I hear the sound of the two little chubby-armed brothers I created,  screaming and laughing, I hear the same sounds of two little sisters and one older brother circa 1995.  

It's better to feel pain, than nothing at all
The opposite of love's indifference
Pay attention now, I'm standing on your porch screaming out
And I wont leave until you come downstairs

So keep your head up, keep your love
Keep your head up, my love
 Keep your head up, keep your love