On to the Next!

If you are here, thank you from the deepest parts of my heart. 

Thank you for letting me into your own world with my little story.  If you have come here this far, please take my hand and follow me on to the next one.

New website with new writing!
www.mamamentos.com


Peace, love & baby boys.

Life, Babies, Marriage and Everything Else

Since my last posting, a ton of life has happened.  Mostly, I got married.  Yes, 10+ years and two baby boys later, your girl showed up in a white dress with an exploding heart to utter the most cliche words of all time, I love you and I do.  And if you're secretly wondering why the sudden impulse to take the plunge, I can write you up 2,087 reasons why.  Or I can only say, this: we love our life together.

But mostly, something else happened this summer.  I made a promise to myself and my sleeping babies one night, that I was going to listen to myself; to all of those crazy unrealistic little ideas about doing the things I want to do.  I vowed to light a fire in my ass and prayed for the courage to do it.

I wanted to really mean it, say it, and do it this time.

Which brings me here.

The Top 4 Super Exciting New Things Happenning/Changing/In the Making Of [in my life]:

1. A married me- Because my heart woke up one day and said I was crazy for thinking it over this long.

2. Writing-  It is my intention to nurture my soul and being with the next best thing in life.

3. Family- Just in case I thought I had all the time in the world for my boys, now I have more of it.  I turned in my full time schedule for a part time one, full pay for partial pay, and an old life for a new one.  And I cannot tell you enough how emotionally altering it is to have...more...time.  [sigh]

4. Dreams- I am continuously making and writing goals, plans and dreams.  Working on making great things happen, or at least happy ones...stay tuned, world.

I want to inspire me.  

Cheers, amigos!

Rules of Brotherhood

I love my brother and sister and I know I always did. But we drove each other crazy as siblings do and should.  And if they taught me one thing, it is that for better or for worse, siblings have an interesting way of showing their love for one another. 
I know this first hand as the youngest of three and now as a mother of two little brothers that remind me of the golden rules of brotherhood:

1. Destroy egos-  You know, in the sort of way where you keep their giant head from growing, no matter how badass they are at anything in life.  What you later find out is that you helped create a semi-humble person, therefore half-decent human being. 
2. Pester- It is by nature's doing, totally acceptable to annoy the life out of one's sibling.  Look, the truth is that this is the exact reason for your thick skin.
3. Rough up- Speaking of thick skin, brothers were created to train you for a fight.  And by this, I don't mean in the figurative kind of way.  Every sibling should prepare you to reverse a hit properly.  That play-wrestling that turns into tears and scraped knees will save you one day.
4. Protect- Given that you are the indicative person to show them a beating, brothers are for eternity obliged to swear by the rule to protect and defend.  Because no one hurts your family, unscathed. 
5. Model- Because you are still each others heroes...and someone is always looking to you.
6. Never tell them how much you love them- It's just a thing that happens for a long time.  Even if you know where your heart is at.
7. Always show them how much you love them- Because everyone knows that I hate cliches, but actions do speak louder than words.  Ya feel me?

I didn't make up these rules and neither did my boys, but I am reliving these truths daily.  All I know is that when they think no one is looking, I catch the Martinez brothers snuggled in one toddler bed, cheek to cheek, plotting against their evil parents.

And I smile.   

Cheers to brotherhood.

All this wild wild love of ours
It can't be tamed, no
This wild wild love of ours
It can't be tamed, no
For better or worse
A blessing or a curse
Long live this wild wild love of ours
Long live this wild wild love  

Mom Disclaimer

The Mom Disclaimer was created as a response to a hectic, moody week.  I thought of all the ways I could best describe this wild ride and how all the joys of raising babies, comes with many bad days and many non-smiley faces.  So as a public service to all, I have created a disclaimer on behalf of all supermoms for any bad day behavior and the wrath that may come from it.  

As moms, we are....

1. Superhumans - The brains and mechanics behind every healthy, happy and functioning child comes in the shape of a heavy hearted mama.

2. Not Perfect - Having said the above, we may or may not eff it all up. 

3. Speeding through time - Therefore, there is no time for drama.  

4. Emotional creatures- One, two or five babies later, our hormones have been tampered with, and left fragile. Tread lightly, they say. 

5. Multi-taskers- I once nursed my newborn son while pumping on the other side...while eating lunch and checking emails.  Really. 

6.  Over-achievers-  In the world of parenting, you don't just want to get it right.  You want your kids to learn from you first hand how to desire, work hard and attain.  

7.  Crazy- All joking aside, it is truly impossible not to be nutty.  

8.  Holding on to the past self- This means, that some of us have traded in party nights & Vegas one too many times for 2pm Batman parties with bouncey houses.  But every now and again, we want to take a shot of tequila and dance for blisters.  Like the good 'ol days. 

9. Constantly dreaming- It is in our being to dream big.  Always.

10. Happy to be here- Because this is what we whole heartedly chose to be.  

At any given moment, one of these could simply be describing the nature of a women.  But only a mom lives this to be true on the daily.  

You have been advised. 

Last Sunday.

Any day is a good day to celebrate.

But last Sunday, as it has for the last five years, it was an especially good day to be a mama.
This past Sunday, I split my day in three ways, taking into account time with my own mom, my mother-in-law and lastly, myself.  And it was perfect.

Because on days like this Mother's day Sunday, I am humbled.

I spent my morning tightly holding on to tears of gratitude as I stared at my grandmother's grave with my mom and babies by my side.  I thanked her for all that she's left behind and all the love she continues to send from a world away.
In the same knotted-throat kind of moment, I thought of how incredibly lucky I am to have my own mother.  In all of her beautifully flawed ways, I love my mom [And that may just be the greatest understatement of them all].

The afternoon was spent at the park with my boys, all three of them. And I soaked in the vision of two baby boys and their hero, named dad.  Like most moments in my last 5 years of motherhood, I promise to never forget this: the sight of the three running, chasing, catching and hugging as if it were our last day on earth...together.

By the time dinner came around, I was surrounded by the beautiful women that are my in-laws by association but immediate family by choice.  We talked of all the greatest things that unite us, the babies that made us into these crazy, happy, proud mamas/aunts/nanas/godmothers. 

And as I layed in my bed, trying to cuddle with the little beings that started this journey of mine, I reflected on said day. And how right it felt to be me.

Which leads me to the moral of this post.  As it is more than the love that I am submerged in on Mother's Day and any other day.  It is deeper than the loss of one love and the rebirth of another.  It is more than the little moments that I promise to take with me to the other beautiful place.

It is about accepting how effin peachy life is with a little bit of notice. 

Sunny Life of Mine

It's late at night and I am feeling like I should write.

About the things that currently excite me, inspire me and keep me moving forward as a lover, friend and most importantly, mother.

Because when the sun shines this much during the day, it is incredibly easy to be inspired.

Summer, Baseball & Boys
Because they go and belong together.  Because they both make me crazy happy: for all the ways it reminds me of a happy childhood I truly had and reminisce of.  The summer means longer days at the park, Friday nights at Dodgers Stadium, and a perfect reason to go outside and watch the Martinez boys play ball.  At the bare minimum.

Friendships
This is major.  It's taken quite a few bad friends to bring me back to basics.   Which means it is a good time to reevaluate the good ones I currently have, and nurture them like a mother.  In the process, I promise to myself to let go of what could have, should have been with others that were not meant to remain...because I want my boys to believe in relationships beyond blood lines.

Self
Mad project.  This adulthood thing is no joke and no one was playing when they said so.  Our world may be quite unforgiving if you take the wrong turn, but is all that rewarding when you stop to enjoy the freedom and independence that comes along with it.  The plan is to get back to never fearing the unknown and to trust that shit always works out.  Fact.

Family
I am experiencing something I many a times feel hella unworthy of.  I get to raise two little beauties that call me beautiful, lovey, fluffy and mama.  And there is nothing more life altering than that kind of love. 

Love
Only because there is always more love to give and receive.   

Work
Trying to re-find one's purpose in one's day to day grind is part of life's deal.  I am questioning where and how I belong in my working-mom hood. The future is always exciting, even if I don't know where it lands just yet....

There is a reason why I am still here, as I currently am.  And if that doesn't inspire, excite or light a fire in me, then nothing will. 

Goodbye November and hello December. It's Almost a New Year

Truth be told, I have spent my recent years slowly finding my way back to loving this time of year again. I cursed for a long time the months of November and December as it undoubtedly reminds me of a time of losing a very hard loss, my grandmother.  And all at the same time, it is about now where I self-reflect like a mother.   

Because my life has taken some low lows and reached some high highs after losing my grandmother.  And just about always, I think of her.   Sometimes, she thinks of me, I am sure.  Because I know there are nights where one little star illuminates a little brighter for me to notice.  And sometimes, when I really need her, I find it no coincidence to see a little butterfly hovering over the shoulders of  my baby boys.

And while this piece is not of that, it is about a whirlwind of emotions that lead to a very grateful soul.

This time of year brings me to a place where I am eternally grateful for all that is of my life; past, present and then some.

I am thankful for the man I met as a girl who stole my heart and became my life partner, best friend.   I must have always known he'd make me this happy.
For the two little boys that came out of said love.  
I am thankful for the family that is mine: for the union we will always have and for the love that never dies between three siblings and two divorced parents.
For the solid friendships that remain in my life; the ones that will always hold a special place no matter how much our lives have changed, and even some of the lost ones that I sometimes miss.
For the people that I surround myself with.
For all the beautiful memories I will think of at my death bed: baseball parks watching my brother, later my high school sweetheart and now my Noah; summers of rollerblades and hide 'n go seek, every weekend night spent at the BP, Sundays with my Dad, breakfast with my grandmother, and just about anything with the five girls that always had my back , and still do.
And so on...

And mostly, I am grateful for the path that I have taken.  For the place I am currently in: interrupted writing in between work, daycare, kindergarten, peewee basketball, christmas shopping, and so on.

Because at the end of this week, it will be 10 years since I held my grandma's hand.  But we all know, she's never left our side. Because somewhere out there, someone is always keeping my heart full.

I am grateful for this life of mine.  And you.